On Hard Questions

One's life can be defined and determined by the questions we ask.

May 30, 2024

Morning y’all!

I’ve had a bit more time than I usually do to give larger questions a turn in the small amount of brain space that I have and I find the time to be not only enlightening but also life giving insofar as outcomes of clarity, peace of mind, and rest.

And I noticed a pattern in my ruminations of late: That our life pivots around the conversations that we have with others, especially the hard and difficult ones. Another way to think about this are the questions that we ask of others and of ourselves, both of which seem to be important for personal growth and development.

For instance, here are some convos and questions that literally define our path and prospective future, from the moment that we surface them:

Will you marry me?
I think we need to breakup / get a divorce.
Should I take this job (instead of another)?
I think I need a (compensation) raise.
Should I move there?
She’s really sick.
Would you go on a date with me?
I quit.
What if it doesn’t work out?
I have to do this for me.

I don’t know about you but I’ve already had to have every single one of these conversations and they literally transformed my entire path, the direction I was originally heading, and ultimately the quality of life that I’d have.

At the time I weighed all of the outcomes as heavily as I could, trying my best to include all of the factors that might effect the end result and playing out how I’d feel after I got where I was headed or what I wanted. Naturally, what I thought might happen almost never happened in the way that I imagined — not always in my favor.

But we still ask them, don’t we? Or perhaps I should say that we should continue to endeavor to ask these questions, as hard as they might be, because they are objectively important because time is short and our lives are finite. I mean, let’s be real: I think we can all agree that, on the whole, it’s vastly better to have asked them or to encounter them honestly then sit and wait for things to happen to us and be subject to circumstance instead of having a little control.

All of this boils down to one single principle: Self-advocacy is primal for our own happiness. And it’s hard to advocate for oneself.

It’s hard to say “no,” even when we know that a “yes” will hurt us.

It’s easier to stay in a toxic relationship than to have to start over and risk being alone.

It’s hard to know what the best job is and when we should take it or how to ask for the right amount of money for the work to be done when we just want a job, full stop.

It’s easy to think through great plans and our future than to actually execute said plan.

And the list goes on and on.

I’ve got a few important chats that I have to have with important folks in my life and despite the fact that I’m not entirely prepared for them nor do I know what the outcomes will be, I know that if I don’t have them now then the likelihood of me ever having them will drop like a stone. I know myself too well to give myself that much space to endlessly procrastinate on things I know to be true.

So this morning I just want to encourage you, my (virtual) friend and reader to have the tough conversations with people in your life, ask the hard questions and I believe that regardless of the immediate outcome, you’ll find resolution and peace on the backend of it because you stayed true to yourself.

We’re almost half-way through 2024 — are you on the right track? What needs to change? Who do you need to talk to? And when are you going to do it?

Stay the course. Love you all.

※\(^o^)/※

— Summer

A few quick hits that you might find interesting: